Resolving Stuck Conversations

Meaningful strategic conversation is an emotionally draining and difficult leadership task. However without meaningful conversation, buy-in and commitment remains elusive, as was observed by Steven Covey “no involvement, no commitment“. Meaning conversation creates involvement……. which generates the commitment …… and…… it’s commitment that ensures aligned action and an effective end result. Therefore, getting the conversations right is of critical importance.

One of the most frustrating situation which a leader is faced with is one where a team’s conversation becomes stuck. I’m sure we’ve all experienced these stuck conversations, on these occasions:
People feel they have not been heard and therefore keep repeating the same points over and over again.
It feels like everyone in the room has run our of ideas.
People feel that they have missed some critical aspect of the issue at hand and therefore get stuck in analysis paralysis.
People are ask themselves, ”why we’re have in this conversation again?”
People feel that they don’t have all the facts necessary to commit to a course of action.
There seems to be a hundred different reasons why the ideas resented to solve a problem are doomed to failure and will not work.
Unless stuck conversations are resolved, effective action will remain elusive, additionally any action “agreed” upon in the meeting will fail to be executed. Getting a stuck conversation back on track and productive requires insight into the meeting dynamics. It’s in these situations that I’ve found the ”change formula” (I previously posted on the change formula here) a useful tool. The change formula describes what’s required to bring about change in an organisation or in this case a conversation. The formula shows that change will occur when a dissatisfaction with the current situation, a vision of what is possible, and the first steps toward reaching the vision are greater than the resistance to change, as illustrated below….



The key insight behind this formula is that if the value of dissatisfaction, or vision, or first steps is zero, the resistance to change will not be overcome nor can anyone commit to taking ant action. A critical mass cannot be formed, and any organisational change cannot be sustained. Just as these components are required for meaningful organisational change they;re also necessary for meaningful conversations. So, to use the change formula when you’re next in a stuck conversation, help the meeting through the following steps:

1) Check for a Shared Understanding of Current Reality
Are the right people in the room?
Do all the people in the room have access to the evidence, data and facts relating to this problem (or opportunity)? Has this data been shared and discussed?
Have the people in the room discussed the available data and shared their interpretation(s) of the facts?
Is there sufficient diversity of opinion and organisational functions for us to have a meaningful discussion?
Do all the people engaged in the conversation have the same understanding of the problem (or opportunity)?
Have use used tangible and specific examples, anecdotes and stories to illustrate the impact or the problem (or opportunity)?
Has the exploration of the facts and data made those in the room dissatisfied with the current situation? If not you may need to stop the meeting and start a programme of collective learning, see my previous post on why this is necessary…

2) Facilitate a Shared Vision of the Future
Do all the people engaged in the conversation have a common understanding of what a desirable outcome would look like?
Have we explored various alternative futures?
Have we considered each alternative future’s advantages and disadvantages?
Have you answered the WIIFM (What’s In It For Me?) question?
Have you engaged people emotionally by creating an inspiring picture of the future?

3) Agree the Next Steps
Is the gap between the current reality and the future vision small enough to be achievable, but not too large to be overwhelming? If not you’re going to have to chunk the the next steps into tangible short-term tasks that people can relate to (get the minds around)….
Are the next steps achievable in the short term (6-12 months)?
Are the actions described in S.M.A.R.T. terms (see my previous post on how to achieve this here) ?
Has each action have an owner who is responsible for the S.M.A.R.T. outcome?
Have you agreed to how the progress towards the vision will be tracked and managed?
That’s it, a simple and effective framework to help you resolve a stuck conversation. Any additional thoughts, ideas and suggestions are welcome. Try it, I would be interested in your feedback and experiences in using and improving on this approach….